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Twenty Questions

Frequent Meanderings Contributor, the Reverend Claude Jeremiah Swiff made an interesting observation about the O.J. case. Despite goo-gobs of media coverage of all aspects of the legal proceedings, the entire media apparatus keeps asking the same questions and presenting us with the same results. Well, that's not the Swiff way of looking at things. He thinks you have to ask different questions if you don't want the same old answers. In that regard, he posed the following twenty questions to Cuda Brown, our Editor. Frankly, Cuda was stumped. First of all, he didn't know the answers. Second, there weren't really twenty questions. That made no never mind to the good Reverend, who gave Cuda his permission to publish the questions and let you judge for yourself. Let us know if you have answers. And if you know the missing questions, hey, we'd like to have them too!

  1. Why did Marcia Clarke need a fashion consultant to update her wardrobe?

    Did she really have to go to charm school?

    At taxpayer expense?

  2. Did the jury use a fashion consultant to come up with the all-black protest wardrobe they wore after Judge Ito removed three sheriff's deputies?
  3. Why aren't John Wayne Bobbit, Jeff Gilooly and Claus Von Bulow doing color commentary for one of the networks?

    "Hey, Joey Buttafuco ova heeya!"
  4. Why isn't Senator Alphonse D'Amato serving as an unpaid P.R. specialist for Judge Ito?
  5. Would you let your kids go to Camp O.J.? Would you go to the fantasy football and trial camp yourself? Not even if O.J. was your host?
  6. Were the Simpson/Goldman murders really committed by right wing extremists so the media could create a Trial of the Century which they would then top when their boys went on trial for blowing up federal office buildings?
  7. Speaking of conspiracies, why is Johnnie Cochran the secret connection between the Simpson trial and the Oklahoma City bombing?
  8. Are these people real or is this all just a big hoax, like the moon landings?
  9. If O.J. didn't do it, who did?
  10. a. Lee Harvey Oswald?
    b. Jimmy Hoffa?
    c. Elvis?
    d. all of the above?
  11. Have the prosecution and the investigators asked Nicole Brown Simpson's dog who did it? What did the dog say?
  12. By the way, did they do DNA testing on the dog?
  13. Why isn't Perry Mason on the defense team?
  14. Will Kato Kaelin land that part in "The Return of The Green Hornet? Will Kato and the GH find the reel murderer?
  15. Is it true calls made to AC's 900 number are forwarded to the Psychic Friends Hotline? Does Dionne take calls herself?
  16. Does O.J. have a psychic friend? If so, why doesn't he or she channel O.J. up a real alibi? Or the real murderer?

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Squeezin' the OJ Hype!