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A Meandering Conversation:

Rev. Dr. Claude Jeremiah Swiff on Sports

Rev. Dr. Claude Jeremiah
Swiff Periodically Meanderings will feature a conversation with noted authority on damn near everything, The Rev. Dr. Claude Jeremiah Swiff. Those of you who have visited the Cuda Brown web page know that Claude Swiff is one of my best friends in the entire world. And you also know that Claude's not really a Reverend or a doctor. Those are just honorifics bestowed on him by friends and acquaintances who do, in fact, revere him and who also think he's as smart as any doctor. Anyway, Claude uses the full title because he likes the way the words sound! This conversation took place recently. Fortunately the tape was running and we got it all down!

Cuda What's up Claude?

Claude Not much. When's Meanderings coming out again?

Cuda I'm working on it, I'm working on it! Should be soon. Why you ask?

Claude No reason, just wonderin I guess. What's gonna be in it?

Cuda A little of this, a little of that. Mostly politics this issue. There's a piece about the White House screwing up the Foster nomination . . .

Claude White House is always screwing up! Is Foster the brother replacing Dr. Elders?

Cuda Yeah. And I wrote an article I'm calling the Death of Affirmative Action or something like that.

Claude Anything else?

Cuda Yeah, but it's still got to come together. What's with all the questions? Am I missing something?

Claude Well... yeah, you are...

Cuda What then?

Claude There's no music, no movies. No sports! You just need to lighten up. Meanderings is too damn serious!

Cuda OK . . . Umm, I got a poem by Bill Benzon. It's about Thomas Jefferson and slaves and other stuff. Pretty funny in fact.

Claude Sounds deathly serious to me! Look. You haven't done a Super Bowl story. Why not something about Steve Young getting out from under Joe Montana's shadow, and Jerry Rice setting some more records? Why not talk about Ken Norton Jr.'s personal three-peat?

Cuda I'm more interested in what's up between him and his dad.

Claude Well, yeah, but the Super Bowl is something brothers actually interested in reading, man.

Cuda But there have already been thousands of Super Bowl stories. Who wants to read another one? Anyway, the game was boring. It took place last month. And besides, I happen to like Joe Montana!

Claude Well how about the NBA All Star Game then?

Cuda What about it? The East doesn't have the players the West has and lost big time. Michael didn't even show ups. Magic was in the stands. Where's the story there? It wasn't that interesting, Claude.

Claude It was still a good game! Are you going lame on me again!!

Cuda OK, OK. So, it was fun to watch. But that doesn't make it Meanderings material, Claude. Where's the politics? Where's the controversy? What happened that doesn't happen in any hoop game? What's different?

Claude Nothing happened. I guess nothing happened.

Cuda Let's say this sports thing is a good idea. You still got to give me something that's different.

After a few minutes of silence:

Claude Hey, I got something. You hear about Barkley?

Cuda What about him? He didn't do nothing special in the game. Mitch Richmond got the MVP.

Claude Yeah, but before the game, some reporter asked Charles about groupies . . .

Cuda The press is always asking stupid questions. No angle there.

Claude Yeah, but . . .

Cuda Will you stop with the yeah -- buts?

Claude Will you let me finish? I read that when Barkley was asked about groupies, he turned to a friend and said, "See why I don't like white people?"

Cuda Maybe he was sensitive with all this AIDS stuff going round. Maybe he was just joking, right?

Claude Yeah, he says he was joking, but ESPN ran the story anyway.

Cuda Told you they do dumb things! Still doesn't make it into Meanderings.

Claude Yeah, but I got a political angle too.

Cuda What's that?

Claude How you think Charles Barkley gonna get elected Governor of Alabama or whatever as a conservative Republican if white folks think he don't like 'em?

Cuda You do have a point, finally!

Claude Goddamn right I do! I can just imagine Barkley's bald smiling face on posters all around the state, with "Barkley for Governor" at the top . . .

Cuda (Laughing) And "I Hate White People" at the bottom!

Claude I wonder if that's the kind of political correctness the far right is looking for?

Cuda Not this year!

Select Cuda Brown Rev.
Doctor Claude Jeremiah Swiff for more information about Cuda and Claude.

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Meanderings 2.02 -- February 1995