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Rev. Claude Jeremiah Swiff Reviews The Piano

[Editor's Note: From time-to-time, we will consult with acquaintances of Cuda Brown, our Editor, in order to get a _real-world_ view of the goings-on (you know, sometimes we lose touch up here in our ebony tower!). Rev. Claude Jeremiah Swiff is not really a Reverend (he just thinks it sounds good), but he does know a thing or two about the real world. Cuda interviewed him after telling Claude that this week's issue would feature The Piano.]

Brown:   "So you've seen The Piano?"

Swiff: "Hell yeah, I seen it! Me and my old lady seen it together."

Brown: "So what'd you think?"

Swiff: "Well, we had a disagreement of sorts. I thought it was dumb, but she liked it."

Brown: "What was dumb about it?"

Swiff: "I couldn't figure out why that woman sent Baines or whatever his name was a message written on a piano key? It seemed stupid!"

Brown: "Yeah, his name was Baines. But, what was stupid about it? That was an important moment in the movie."

Swiff: "Yeah it was important all right -- she lost a finger over that shit! But it was still stupid!"

Brown: "So tell me why!"

Swiff: "OK. She takes this piano key and writes on it something like, 'you'll always hold the key to my heart' or whatever on it, and then sends her daughter to deliver it to Baines. And then loses a finger when her husband finds out."

Brown: "Yeah, that's what happened. But what's your problem?"

Swiff: "Baines can't read!! He's illiterate!! Why send a note to this guy wearing war paint who can't read??"

Brown: "You know, you're right! I hadn't thought of that. I was wondering how her daughter could turn against her so fast and take that piano key to her stepfather."

Swiff: "Hey, I understood that. HE could read! Maybe she thought her stepdaddy could take it and read it to Baines!"

Brown: "That's funny! Tell me, how did your ole lady like the movie?"

Swiff: "She thought it was kind of sexy. Erogenous I think she said."

Brown: "So, did you agree with her on that?"

Swiff: "Hell yeah! After the movie we went to her place and did some serious lovemaking. It was unbelievable!!"

Brown: "Well -- (with a shiteating grin) -- that takes care of '94!"

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Meanderings 1.04 -- April 11, 1994